Pagan Comedy

Call Now!
(916) 807-5834

What do you call a dead turtle in the middle of the road?
Moscow Mitch

Are you progressive?
-Yes, I am, but I hate wearing this stupid uniform and I can't stand Flo (the woman you love to hate).

What's the first law of Shamanism?
- Don't squeeze one

In ancient Persia you had the religion of Zoroastrianism and their primary diety was Mithra and he was the sun God. He was sacred to bulls and very popular, his actual birthday was December 25th. He was worshipped en masse by members of the ancient Roman calvalry units, the horse troups, and his priests were called the Priests of the Magi. They were very magickal and Mithra gave them many magickal powers and one of them was the power to emerge from living rock. Do you know what that made them?
- The first rock bands.

I spend a lot of time on the half-astral plane, this is where I get most of my comedic matieral.

With all my many talents, I am also a master of the martial arts! I am an arch-dufus, I can blunder through walls. I also posess magickal powers, I have mastered the magickal art of gastral projection, with a full meal of Mexican food I can gastral project myself across the room!

The reason I use the term magick is because I am into the sleight of mind, not the sleight of hand, I don't do card tricks!

What does AT&T stand for?
-Assholes through and through

I'm 71 years undead into Vampires!

Why did the Republican cross the road?
- He saw an televangelist on the other side.

How many Democratic Senators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- Normally it's 48 but it may all be for naught if Moscow Mitch doesn't bring it up for a vote.

You get a cookie if I could afford one.

What do you get when you put a lot of brownies together?

You can make an elf!

Why did the Republican cross the road?
-QAon asshole on the other side.

You have brought up a number of good points in our conversation and if you brush your hair just right no women will notice.

You know that I have magick powers?
-Did you know that? After I eat a whole plate of mexican food I have the power of gastro projection.

I can gastro project myself across the room.

Did you know that I am a master of the marshall arts.
Did you know that?
I am a master of glutz fu
I am a arch dufus
I can blunder through walls.

Why doesn't this pandemic ever leave?
Well its having too much fun

Abbottsinn International School of Magick

Our Location:

Sacramento, CA 95670

(916) 807-5834

Business Hours:

24 Hours a Day
7 Days a Week
Phone Hours: 7am-11pm